Video Games

30 Ways to Distract Yourself From the Fact That You Don’t Have a Switch And Can’t Play Animal Crossing: New Horizons

Animal Crossing: New Horizons was just released on March 20th for the Nintendo Switch, a fact that brings joy to many and frustration to anyone who doesn’t have a Switch. However, there are plenty of ways to appease your desire for cute little animals and island-building without dropping $300+ on a new game system just to play a single game.

  1. Watch Streamers Play Online
    There are plenty of Twitch and YouTube streamers playing Animal Crossing: New Horizons right now, grab your favorite handicraft and let the soft music and delightful beeps of animal-words calm your nerves.
  1. Play Animal Crossing: Pocket Camp
    Pocket Camp was released in 2017 for free on iOS and Android. If you’re interested in New Horizons, you’ve probably already checked out Pocket Camp, but it’s worth another shot if it didn’t strike your fancy the first time and you’re really feeling those Animal Crossing cravings.
  1. Talk to your pets.
    Settle down and have a real conversation. How are they doing? Are they happy with their accommodations? Is there anything you can do to make them happier? Make them feel heard.
  1. Water your real-life plants.
    I know you’ve been forgetting. I see you.
  1. Look outside.
    Watch the wind in the trees. See the flowers start to bloom. Don’t actually go outside, though. Don’t you know there’s a pandemic on?
  1. Look up the price of a Switch.
  1. Look at your bank account.
  1. Look up the price of a Switch Lite.
  1. Try to force the number in your bank account to change through sheer force of will.
  1. Watch more people playing Animal Crossing online. Seriously, is everyone on the planet playing this game?
  1. Resolve to save money over the next couple of months so you can eventually play.
  1. Try to learn to make the animal-talking sounds with your own human mouth. Brian David Gilbert can do it, why can’t you?
  1. Rearrange your apartment.
  1. Quit halfway through and watch more Animal Crossing streams.
  1. Play Stardew Valley.
  1. This was a fantastic idea! Maybe Stardew Valley was what you wanted all along.
  1. No it wasn’t. It’s a fantastic game, but a bit like eating cherry cake when you were craving cherry pie. Delicious, but vaguely disappointing in context.
  1. Put all your furniture back the way it was originally because you’re really not cut out for interior design, and your apartment’s too small for any real changes anyway.
  1. Talk to your friend who has Animal Crossing and live vicariously through them. Allow yourself to dream for a moment as they try to convince you to get a Switch so they can steal your flowers in Animal Crossing.
  1. You know, maybe if you cut your food budget short next month and dipped just a LITTLE into your savings… No. That’s for emergencies and you are a responsible adult.
  1. You should have started saving earlier. You didn’t think you’d want the game this badly. But you know what they say, the best time to plant a tree is ten years ago, and the second best time is today. (The third best time is lying in your bed, tending to your apple orchard in Animal Crossing.)
  1. Watch virtual museum tours! They’ve become a big hit since people started sheltering at home. Unfortunately, these museums don’t include an overexcited owl.
  1. Make your own cross-stitch pattern! It’s just like making a custom design in Animal Crossing, just takes a bit longer to execute.
  1. Look at the Nintendo Switch again. It’s been several hours. Unfortunately, you’ve been unable to save $300+ in that time span.
  1. There’s a pandemic on though. You’re stressed. You deserve this.
  1. Hide your debit card from yourself because obviously you can’t be trusted.
  1. Make yourself some “vacation juice” with Hawaiian Punch: Polar Blast and tequila and settle in for a night of video games with your roommate on your shared not-Switch.
  1. Oh no. This has lowered your inhibitions. This was a bad idea.
  1. This was a good idea. Where did you hide that debit card again?
  1. Order Animal Crossing and a Nintendo Switch.

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